Writer's Block #15b: Outrageous Flaker Excuses

This swap was inspired by a flaker from Writer's Block #12 and #13, whose excuse to a half dozen of folks he flaked on was:

"Response: I am late and I am tired of getting low ratings just because I am on vacation. I will make this swap up to you. Please join my new swap."

Really. I'm not making that up.

I'm excited to see what ya'll come up with. :-))

--Jen aka Angry Spinner

Well . . . I've been working on this one for a while, and clocked in at just over 1000 words over the course of 5 different fake letters.

Stephanie/Mortaine--yours is in the mail tomorrow . . . I hope it can find a little space in your new place.

:-)

--Jen aka Angry Spinner

Man I wish I could join this. If you need an angel or anything, let me know. :)

-Jesse

I'm looking forward to this one. As a freelance writer, I always have to come up with good reasons for why my deadlines have slipped.... (just kidding) I'll try to dig around in my brain and remember what my top excuses in the past have been!

OK, I sent out my letter. I really hope I did it right. If not, ah, well, my poor swap partner will just have to think I'm very, very flaky....

I want to post a picture of (part of) my swap, so you all can see.... I took it very seriously. When I write a letter, I really WRITE one! In this case, it was on fine Italian monogrammed stationary, with a glass pen in dipped purple scented ink, and sealed with my personal wax seal. My excuses might be lame as all heck, but at least I made them in style. :D

Anyway, the picture I took was after I sealed the envelope: http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1243/899427849717f0f8317m.jpg

Angry Spinner: I just wanted to let you know, I know you mailed mine a while ago, but we've moved "house" a couple of times since then, and have had our mail on hold for almost a month now. So, I haven't received your excuse yet, but I also haven't received any mail, either. I just wanted you to know, so you don't sit there wondering where your "5" is! :)

[PS: The above is not a flaker excuse.]

Dear AngrySpinner:

I would send you a check for the C.H.a.R.I.T.Y., but I was just arrested for attempting to mail a jar of white powder and a bottle of mysterious liquid at my post office, and I won't be able to mail anything out until this situation is resolved, or I am relocated to "detention center" where I might be able to bribe a sympathetic guard.

Yours in SPitL, --Mortaine